I hate to be rushed places. I hate chaos. I hate trinkets and spaces that feel cluttered. I hate when people make excuses for their life. I hate fighting with people. And I hate thinking I’m the one that ruined someone’s day. There’s a lot of things that make me feel negative and icky inside. When I left Saskatchewan to move to British Columbia for school I was pretty miserable. I had a lot of ideas of what I wanted my life to look like that felt more like dreams than possibilities. I had big ideas of a business that made me feel excited to work each day and I wanted to love someone, so badly. My problem was that I was stuck in this horrible realm of negativity. I think I cried almost every single day from September to January. I didn’t have many friends, but how could I blame them? I wasn’t trying to be friendly or positive. I wasn’t doing anything that fuelled me. It’s exhausting being around someone that just takes.
It was in January 2010 that I realized I needed to start creating a lovely life. I joined an event management group on campus I later became president of and went to a conference in Texas where I was able to meet more friends in my program. I started applying myself to my classes to make the most of the diploma I wasn’t about to quit on. I chose to wake up and enjoy my mornings. I created a feel good playlist for when I was at the gym that made me feel empowered. I made an effort to be happy even when I didn’t feel it. Slowly but surely I was creating a life that I wanted to live. I’ve never shared this with anyone, I don’t even think I’ve read it to Royce. But on January 15, 2010 I was having this really good day and I came back to my dorm room and pulled out a journal that my sister had given me when I graduated high school that I had never written in before and wrote, “Don’t forget what it feels like to be happy being you. Don’t dwell on what could’ve been. Love who you are, who you have, what you have, and go for what you truly want… Never ever hold back on love and be scared. I owe it to him and myself to trust fate and the life God planned for me. Love yourself so that you can truly love those around you. Be happy and grateful. xo” The next week I met Royce.
I believe that we get out of life what we put into it. That’s what creating a lovely life means to me. Creating moments, experiences, relationships and spaces that feel lovely on your heart, mind, and eyes. I associate coffee with walking down the streets of character homes in Saskatoon in Fall with a latte in my hand and feeling at home and the night I met Royce at a coffee house night while drinking a caramel macchiato (my favourite drink to this day). I associate going to Chapters with going to my favourite book store back home with my mom every time we went on vacation where she’d buy me a new book for the trip and how she’d send me a $10 bill in the mail when she knew I was flying home so I could buy the Martha Stewart Weddings magazine for the plane ride. I still go to Chapters before every trip and look forward to the day I eventually flip through the pages of Martha Stewart Weddings on a plane ride and see one of the weddings I planned in it. I associate being by the ocean with this feeling that “I made it”. That I pushed myself out of my comfort zone back home to do something that scared me and continues to empower me to keep pushing. And I associate our wedding playlist with a feel of contentment, a playlist we put on anytime we’re road tripping and don’t feel like talking or we’re excited about something great happening in our lives.
What associations do you make that make you feel truly lovely from the inside out? How do you pour those associations into your daily life? Your associations will be so different than mine because we all need different things to feel happy. Maybe you experience joy through travel, music, food, wine, exercise… the list could go on forever. Find what fuels you and start creating what a lovely life means to you.
By being aware of what fuels me and makes me feel happy to move through each day, I’m able to be a better wife, friend, planner, and boss to those around me. And there’s really no better feeling than going to bed being excited to wake up each day.